Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know who the president of Turkey really is

What was something you did naughty with your cousin?

I don’t cotton to rapists

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

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I don’t buy bullshit

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

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I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Why is Canada letting too many Indians in Canada?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

What factors contributed to The Beatles' bitterness?

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I can count

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I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

What are some possible reasons for an unfaithful spouse to not confess their affair to their partner and instead end it without telling them?

I can read

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

What are some good Caribbean islands to travel to with friends or family? Why?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

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I have a reading level above third grade

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

What is so great about Jiraiya?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

What are LGBT+ people tired of hearing?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I see through liars

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I actually pay taxes

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability